shimmering scales on monsters' tails

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021886.html

Harridan: Put out that cigarette! Put it out! You can't smoke on the subway! Put it out!
Hobo: (puffs)
Bro: Sir, would you please put out the cigarette?
Hobo: Sure.
Bro: Thank you.
Harridan: You wouldn't put it out for me! Why did you put it out for him? Do you hate women? Was it your mother?
Hobo: He said "please" and "thank you."

--2 Train

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021885.html

Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be bad!
Skinny black dude: Yeah, he real bad!
Huge fat black lady: Dat nigga be ba-aaad!
Laughing black guy sitting across train, screaming: Dat nigga be so bad he be born in jail!

--Q Train

Overheard by: lola

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021884.html

Tourist woman to husband: Is it all vegetarian?
Guy waiting in doorway: Uh... Yeah.
Tourist woman: Oh. That makes sense.

--Outside Vegeterian Dim Sum, Chinatown

Overheard by: Brok

http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=03192010

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021883.html

Old woman, putting stamps on envelope: I wish they would change the picture on these...
Middle aged woman: Frank Sinatra?
Old woman: Oh god, not that creep!

--Post Office, Stuyvesant

Overheard by: flat rate box

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021882.html

Crazy Asian bag lady: My pasta! Who took my pasta!? You! (points to yuppie guy) You took it!
Yuppie guy: Lady, does it look like I need your pasta?
Crazy Asian bag lady: Calm down, asshole, it's just pasta. I think I told David he could have it.

--W 52nd

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021881.html

Evangelist standing on a bench: I was born under the Lord, I've lived under the Lord, and I'll die under the Lord.
Drunk walking by: Die, we don't give a fuck!

--Port Authority

Overheard by: Michael A McCormick

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021880.html

Woman #1, singing: Follow the road, follow the road...
Woman #2: (is silent)
Woman #1, singing: Wiki, wiki, wiki, whoo, whoo! (does excited thumb dance)
Woman #2, joining in: Wiki, wiki, wiki, whoo, whoo! (thumbs dance)
Woman #1 and #2: (laugh together)

--Movie Theater, 66th St

Overheard by: April

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021879.html

Guy #1: That wasn't a dude, though.
Guy #2: That wasn't a dude?
Guy #3: That was not a dude.

--A Train

Overheard by: rick

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021878.html

Girl #1: And my dad wasn't about to leave his business...
Girl #2: What does your dad do?
Girl #1: Personalized stuffed animals. That's why my middle name...
Girl #2: Teddy.
Girl #1: Yeah.
Girl #2: Yeah. You are so lucky your dad doesn't deal sex toys. Then you'd be, like, Samantha Dildo.

--10th St & 2nd Ave

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021877.html

Overly excited 20-something girl: It's Valentine's Day on Sunday.
Less excited friend: I know, I have a paper due then.

--Grand Central Station

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021876.html

Thug #1: Yo, Quame got cancer, right?
Thug #2: Yeah.
Thug #1: See, that what he get for stealin' from me...

--L Train

Overheard by: Paul

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021875.html

Obnoxious NYU girl to friends: Ew! He passed and was like "damn, look at that ass on that white girl!"
Ghetto man, passing by: Psh--what ass?

--Union Square

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021874.html

Large group of people dressed like Santa: What do we want? Christmas! When do we want it? Now!

--Washington Square

Overheard by: TR

Gay guy on cell: You don't want to see white Christmas. Honey, you don't understand... That was the whitest Christmas I have ever seen.

--Broadway & 43rd

20-something woman to 20-something guy, in April: It wouldn't be Christmas without you.

--Stromboli's Pizza

Mom to child yelling at her: Who do you think you're talking to? That's it, Christmas is over for you!

--135th St & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Yowza

Normal-looking woman to no one in particular: Look at Santa. The same letters as "Satan." Do you think Christmas has anything to do with Jesus? Where in the Bible does it say Jesus was born on December 24th? I tell you, Santa is Satan.

--Xmas Tree Stand, High School

Staples employee, in response to radio: Man! I want to move to Vietnam, or Pakistan, or wherever the fuck they don't care about Christmas.

--Staples, Union Square

Overheard by: Damon H.

Man to friend during interval: Have you heard about the Scientology Christmas pageant?

--Carnegie Hall

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021873.html

Chick: That guy ruined loofah-foreplay for an entire nation!

--113th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Crazy guy riding on bike: Girl, I would looove to see your bathwater!

--7th & W23rd

Suit on cell: She has a bit of an upset stomach cause we've given her, like, a ton of baths.

--Whole Foods, Houston St

Overheard by: Percival Under Cover

Andre-the-giant-looking guy walking by, on cell: I have to sponge-bath myself down there. It's ridiculous.

--South Street Seaport

Overheard by: kosher dan

30-something suit: Some girls don't take showers... But that doesn't stop me from hittin' em.

--34th St

Overheard by: Kristen

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021872.html

Man with entourage: So I killed one just before I went to sleep. (entourage laughs) Yeah, and I left it on her ceiling as a warning.

--Bleecker & Broadway

Dude walking down street: And if I kill him, I'm certified to bring him back to life...

--Brooklyn

Old man to another: You know, I don't even give a shit if I die anymore!

--E 84th St

Girl to friend: Why would you put the poison in milk?

--Union Square

Overheard by: Michela

20-something guy: Fucking corduroy! I've gotta tell ya, I fucking love corduroy! I swear to god, I'd kill for corduroy!

--J.Crew Men's Store

Overheard by: Pedro

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/021871.html

Boy: Ew! Honey and ass!?

--48th & 8th

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Guy to friend: I felt like her eyes were going to eat my face.

--Bleecker & Charles

Overheard by: Jacob

40-something man to 20-something girl: I just wanna nibble your birthmark.

--5th Ave & 9th St

Guy against pillar: I'll suck your ass... If you want it.

--J Train